Motherhood; the every juggling act of time for you and meeting everyone else's needs. 

It's nuts how life never turns out how you expected or planned. I am a planner, I like to know what's happening and what's going to take place; if I could I would plan the next 12 months of my families life.

But as life has kicked my arse and shown me, you cannot plan or control what's going to happen. 

Initially, come April, Ollie was going to be going into childcare 4 days a week and I was going to get some time back. Admittedly this time was going to be spent working but I was so excited to get some routine and structure in my personal and work life to focus and knuckle down.

Instead I am now winding down to go on maternity leave with my 4th - unplanned child, i've had to cancel 3 holidays booked this year (the year of my 40th so some big things planned including seeing the Olympics) and nothing about the next 6 month is as I had expected. If anything I am stopping myself getting excited or plan anything, I am in a bit of a vicious circle or worry and overwhelm. 

As first time parents antenatal classes provide that safe space to explore and talk about plans with your newborn.

I met a bunch of couples at an antenatal class I was giving a talk too a few weeks back; a lovely group who were talking through plans they were making for the first few weeks of their newborns life. Things like locking down the house and having just time as themselves for 2 weeks, giving each other time in the day to go away and knit or play on the playstation, ideas on who was going to do what. 

All ideal things that I felt a bit jealous that I couldn't plan, it's bit difficult with 3 kids, but also because I knew the reality.

We had small plans in place for when Ollie was born; who we wanted to visit in the hospital, childcare for the other 2 and little newborn bits we wanted too do. Instead Ollie came 5 weeks early and the first 2 weeks were spent in Portsmouth neonatal, an hour away from Basingstoke followed by weeks in and out of hospital for check ups. 

Until the motherload of time and time demands creep in

The wider lack of control and time for you in motherhood then outlives the newborn stage of life.

That feeling of never having time to yourself becomes ever heavy and frustrating.

You arriver at that point in life whereby having a day off work to clean the house uninterrupted becomes a luxury and seen as "doing something for you".

Whilst cleaning the house is not something for me, it has actually become something that is for me.

I am a tidy house, tidy mind, kinda person. I hate the house a tip and feeling dirty, it bugs me more so I prioritize this over something like deep conditioning my hair, seeing friends or going for a walk.

As adults we justify allocating money for cleaners and odd jobs help all as a way to "help ourselves" over spending the money on haircuts and gym memberships 

Spending time on yourself is not selfish

I see a lot of people on social media advocating that it is not selfish to do something for yourself, and whilst I 100% agree with this, it is not that easy to do.

Something or the needs of someone else always crop up. Prior to pregnancy I had vowed to try and regularly attend a Pilates class, but alas my husbands shifts fell on that day a long with one of the kids activities.

I love puzzling, it has become something I do to ground myself and help myself mentally, yet this year I have completed 2 puzzles. Normally I am a puzzle a week kinda girl, I say normally, perhaps this time last year. 

It is not selfish to want to do something for yourself.

Doing something for you should be a priority over things like housework and mothering.

Easier said than done I know, but when did we allow ourselves to become so forgotten and pushed to one side?

I always joke I can't wait to retire, but why should we wait until then? 

I have a very supportive husband who wouldn't batter an eye lid if I said I wanted to do something for me; but yet yesterday instead of sitting down to puzzle I went out in the front garden and attempted to make it look less like a seen from Onslows front garden in Keeping Up Appearances - 80's birds will get me on this! It's a tip! 

Answer me this...

Answer me this; when did you last put YOU first and take at least an hour to do something for YOU?

If you haven't in the last week then this is your sign to do something in the next 7 days for YOU. You deserve it and you need it.

I mean it, you need to do something for you, even as a single parent, when the kids are in bed put your phone down. Stop answering the school WhatsApp messages, or trying to arrange something with the most difficult person on the earth. Put your phone down and indulge in an hours worth of TV trash. Allow your mind to focus on something non related to your life and switch off. 

IT'S NOT SELFISH & IS ALLOWED

Stay strong mumma, we are all in this together! 

Vicky xx

P.S: something new launching end of this week!!